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Chasing Remy
Ramblings on life, love, and the pursuit of X-Men
The word “friend” is grossly overused in everyday conversation, and can refer to anyone you have a generally agreeable relationship with – from the distant, though affable, acquaintances all the way to those who have seen you at your worst, who know all your dirty little secrets, who have experienced each and every one of your most annoying habits…and still love you. Just as you are.

I’m as guilty of this as the next person, throwing around the word “friend” in casual conversations, oversimplifying what is actually a complex hierarchy of trust and affection because no one really wants to hear the details of the excessively emotional connections I have to each and every person I know. I opt for the easy out, applying “friend” to anyone I can manage to get along with for short periods of time, anyone I have something remotely in common with, anyone I don’t want to punch in the face when I see them.

Believe it or not, even those broad restrictions limit the number of “friends” I have. Because, let’s be honest, there are few people I don’t want to punch in the face.

Would you like to continue on?  Look Into The Abyss...

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Current Mood: thoughtful thoughtful
Current Music: "The Simpsons" in the background...

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A very happy birthday to octoberland!  May your day be full of love, laughter, and vampires!

Current Mood: uncomfortable uncomfortable
Current Music: None (I have a migraine)

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(The way I see it - you can still have a merry day even if you don't celebrate Christmas...so I hope everyone has a great December 25th!)

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Current Mood: nostalgic nostalgic
Current Music: "Carol of the Bells"

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I’ve never thought of Christmas as a religious holiday…in my mind, it’s always been placed in the “general holiday” category along with the likes of New Years Eve, Thanksgiving, and Guy Fawkes Day. It’s something for the general public to celebrate.

For the record, I was raised Roman Catholic by Agnostic parents who wanted to make sure their children grew up with the same faith they did. I was baptized, received my first communion, and reconciliation…but I chose not to be confirmed. I didn’t believe in a lot of the things the church taught (second virginity was the last straw – I’m sorry, you’re either a virgin or you’re not…once you give that up, there’s no going back), and I didn’t think it was right to officially proclaim that I did.

In any case, although I intellectually understand that Christmas is the celebration of Christ’s birth, it’s never felt like that. I’ve never attended mass on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, and aside from the Nativity Scene, the day is pretty much associated with a bunch of pagan symbols.

Read more? Look into the abyss...

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Current Mood: moody moody
Current Music: "Making Christmas," from "The Nightmare Before Christmas"

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I’ve been like this ever since I can remember…the very first instance was when I was 5 years old.  I had a crush on my next-door neighbor and would spend recess chasing him around the playground begging for a kiss.  Of course, once he told his mother, and his mother told my mother, I stopped.  (I also lied to my mom about it, vehemently denying doing anything of the sort.)

I guess you could call it my first rejection.

It would not be my last.

Want to read more?  Look into the abyss...

(FYI - I'm not depressed...I just had to get this off my chest.)

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Current Mood: contemplative contemplative
Current Music: "Carol of the Bells," The American Boychoir

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I'm a former competitive dancer...and I still think this is completely ridiculous.

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Current Mood: enraged enraged
Current Music: Stunned silence

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A brief summary of my week:
  1. Monday - I discover there is a squirrel in my classroom.  A live squirrel.  Attempting to make a nest.
  2. Tuesday - Pre-observation meeting with the principal...it begins with her insisting I guess how much she weighs.  Um...no.  I refuse to guess how much my female boss weighs.  That's ok, she told me anyway...
  3. Wednesday - Power outage during school for about 40 minutes.  Thankfully, I was on hall duty, so I didn't have to deal with screaming/rioting students.
  4. Thursday - Observation.
  5. Friday - AM: The principal literally RIPS ME APART during my post-observation meeting.  She pretty much says that my lesson was good, but I totally suck as a teacher.  Her complaints included: (a) beginning the lesson on a "pessimistic" note by saying "Ok, guys, I know it's early and you're tired, but let's get going!" (b) I tend to teach to the front of the room...and although I'm constantly moving, I apparently didn't spend as much time in the back as I did in the front/middle (c) when students came in late, I didn't stop the lesson and welcome them (d) when I turned on the LCD projector and realized that I hadn't switched the output on my laptop, I said, "Oh, I didn't connect this...I'll do that now."  Etc. We pause mid-meeting so I can go teach.  I'm devastated.  PM: When I return for the rest of my post-obs, I discover that I'm suddenly a wonderful teacher.  I'm given some constructive criticism, a few compliments, and am sent on my way.
Long fucking week.  And the AM post-obs was ridiculous.  I know I'm not perfect...but I thought it was a good lesson that was executed well.  So part of the reason I was so upset about my principal's comments (and I assure you, the list is a hell of a lot longer that what I wrote above) was that I was completely blindsided.  If I had sucked...then I deserve it.  But what she did was completely inappropriate - she literally nitpicked EVERY LITTLE THING I said and did.  And the hits came consistently for about 10 minutes.  Later on, when I went back, it was more like a normal post-obs.

I'm a good teacher.  I work very hard, and I'm good at what I do.  There was absolutely no need to do that.

Thank God she won't observe me again until next year...although...I'm gonna be a total fucking wreck after this.

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Current Mood: intimidated intimidated
Current Music: "Brand New Day," Ryan Star

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It’s no secret that I’m not a fan of girls in general.  In my experience, they tend to gossip constantly, create unnecessary drama, stab each other in the back mercilessly (without hesitation), and hold onto grudges forever.  Sure, as with any rule, there are exceptions.  But those are few and far between.

But that’s not the point.

That’s just…the nature of “girl.”  Sad, but true.  I cannot justify it or condone it, it’s something that must be accepted because it simply can’t be changed.  And it has nothing to do with the topic I wish to discuss.

There’s a certain quality to people that I’ve recently discovered…no, not discovered…named.  I think I’ve always seen it, but haven’t been able to label it, describe it, until now.  It’s present in both men and women, though it doesn’t bother me nearly as much when I see it in the male sex.  (Of course, that is my nature, to be more tolerant of male idiosyncrasies than those found in the so-called “fairer” sex.) And the more girls I meet who fall under this particular category, the more aggravated I become.

I’m talking about girls who are “without.”

Continued at my blog...if you dare to LOOK INTO THE ABYSS...

Current Mood: thoughtful thoughtful
Current Music: Deep, meaningful silence...

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I am thankful for each and every one of you...I hope you all have a great day.

"...and for all these reasons, I've decided to scalp you and burn your village to the ground."  LOL

Current Mood: peaceful peaceful
Current Music: "March of the Wooden Soldiers" on TV

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So...I've decided to create a blog.  That way I can share my thoughts with the world in an organized, classy way.

Anyway, I'm staying safely anonymous on it - there will be no mention of either my real name or any of my Internet aliases.  That way I don't have to be concerned in any way, shape, or form with the possibility of my words/thoughts/opinions coming back to haunt me.  Or cost me my job.

I've only posted twice - and both of those essay-type things have already been posted elsewhere (including here) - but here's the link just in case you want to check out how super-dark and amazingly wonderful it is - LOOK INTO THE ABYSS.

Now...onto minor (and surprisingly related) boy drama.

Yesterday I posted a link to my shiny new blog on Facebook.  I mentioned that my blog posts are just re-posts of things I've already put up on FB as "Notes," and that I didn't think anyone actually read them on FB, but maybe they'd read them now that they're in blog-form.

A few minutes later, I received a text from the guy I have a crush on...the one who likes me but "doesn't know what he wants."  The conversation went like this (verbatim):

Him: So I just read your blog posts, and some of your FB notes, and I don't think you need to change a god damn thing.  But you already know that...
Me:  Wow...this is...unexpected.  Thank you, that's sweet.
Him:  Just thought I'd let you know.  And before you ask, no, I'm not drunk.
Me:  I appreciate it...especially coming from you, since I know how brutally honest you are.  I didn't think you were drunk.  But now that you said that, I wonder...LOL
Him: hahahaha


He pretty much just did the whole "Mark Darcy tells Bridget Jones he likes her 'just as she is' " thing.

And he texts with proper grammar and spelling (for the most part).

So...he likes me just the way I am...he doesn't think I need to change anything about myself...and he likes me.  He told me so.  But he won't date me.


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Current Mood: confused confused
Current Music: "Yesterday," The Beatles

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